Forced to Fight Feelings
by geekglassesgirl
Summary: Five is a prisoner not just to John and the others but himself. Between the torture and trying to come to terms with his life, Five feels like he is breaking. I don't own Lorien Legacies.
1. Fighting

I pull hard against the chains. I'm so fill of anger I can't even think straight. I don't even know but so much rage is in me. Let me go I shout. Except it's only in my head. I'm only screaming and yelling in anger out loud.

"Shut up! Are you going to talk sensibly or Not?" John asks. To that I resolve into strict silence. The defiance on my face. "Fine if he doesn't want to talk then don't let him." It's then that I'm severely gagged. Cloth tied in and around my mouth. But I don't stop pulling and fighting the chains around my hands and feet.

After a while I slow down in my attempts to break the restraints. I don't have my legacies and I'm only wearing myself out. I know I can't break out of these.

After a while John and six reappear. I only look at them with disdain. I'm rejecting whatever their about to say. But they don't say anything. Instead they pull out a needle filled with some liquid, but before they get any closer to me I start fightimg again. But it isn't effective. Between their sheer force and telekinesis they pin into the corner and drug me. I draw weak and tired after that. I black out. I don't sleep, I just black out.

As I come too I regain my stance. I'm determined not to break. I try to pull at the chains as silently as possible. But that's a short term project. It couldn't be too long after I come too that six returns again. I refuse to make eye contact and sit up straighter. Six sees my message. She has another shot of whatever their putting in me and gives me a slight kick as she leaves. My body quickly is weak again. It isn't until now I realize how awful I feel. But I push through any pain. I don't want to give in to anything they ask for.

Despite my rebellion my body broke down. I slip into unconsciousness. But I swear I feel my body shutting down from the pain.

What must be hours later i realize I've pissed myself. My pants are cold and my hands and floor are stinky and it smells like urin. I'm disgusted and embarrassed. My stomach growls in hunger and I feel sweaty and sick. I'm thirsty and downright in bad shape. I just take a deep breath through my nose, my mouth still gagged. And for the first time I choose to sleep on my own accord.

I don't know how long I slept, but at one point I feel and pang of pressure and then fall into deep sleep again. Afterward I realize it was probably more of the drugs.

I'm dying of thirst. I have a reach from dehydration and hunger and I smell from sweat, piss And vomit which has come up my throat but was forces down again. I feel as food as I stink. None the less, when John approaches me I give him a death stare and reject his presence.

"You ready to talk yet?" He asks casually. Taking my coldness as an answer he drugs me again. I take a breath as I feel it go through my skin. It hurts and I forget about resisting it.

I'm drugged three more times in a continuous stream. Each time I sit still and silently. I don't fight them but I don't accept it either. Every time rolling my eyes or huffing. But it take it's toll on me.

I'm sitting in days worth piss and I might have even shot my pants. I haven't had anything to drink or eat since they brought me here however long ago. So when John comes in again to dose me again with drugs, my forehead is resting on my knees. Which I've managed to put in front of me as opposed under me. However my ankles are still chained to the walls.

John approaches and I painfully look up to meet his gaze. I rest myself back down again and wait until John's finished. I sense is gaze as he leaves.

I didn't fight it this time. I feel too weak. My body is telling me it needs it to stop. I can't handle the drugs anymore. My wrists and ankles are burned and bleeding from my pulling at them too much, I need to vomit and breathing has begun to hurt.

Later on John comes in while I'm asleep while leaning into the corner. But I'm partly awake just trying to feel better. It all hurts.

On his next visit, I'm shivering. When I see the needle once again I stiffle a cry. My body and mind running into panic at the idea of being druggedOf being drugged again. I don't think my body can handle, Every time I become more and more weak. John must sense my fear.

I'm looking downward trying to hide the forming tears when John all prepared t drug me again leans in closer than nessacery.

"I don't have to drug you right now." He said getting more of my attention. "But you can't be making a racket or fighting or anything today. Understand?" My head throbbing I nod my head up and down a few quick times. John copies my action. "Okay. Cause any problems though and we'll do it all over again."

He speaks authoritivly and confident. And as he walks away tears finally fall from my eyes. I let them come. I hurt so much and I'm tired.

I spend the whole day like this. Remembering at all costs to keep quiet and behave. My hope is I'll feel better, but sitting quietly is only part of it. The drugs linger in my system and I'm uncomfortable in the chains.

My gag is still in and the floor is covered in my piss. But I manage I relax for a bit. Not for enjoyment but to be calm. I'm able to breath smoothly and relax my body some. I even take a decent nap. And I can think straight.

Thinking clearly is a huge one. I think about everything that's happened. And I try to understand myself. And I know what their going to what to know. And I know that I have to talk, show them that I'm not who I used to be. But that is easier said then done.

What must be the end of the day but feels like an eternity, John returns.

"Think we can talk now?" He said almost gently. Aware of the tears on my face and the fact that I've been quiet all per his request. I nod and my eyes are welling up.

"Alright. I'm gonna take this off." John announces as he unties the gag and removes it.

I feel released after what must be days of being restrained. My first act is to cough a good few hard times and to catch some breath. My face burns and tears are threatened.

I mean my forehead to my knees again and take another needed breath. I look back up again at John and say "thank you." But it comes out as a croak my throat dry and raw and my lungs still on fire. Luckily John knows what I mean. He gives a content nod and takes a breath himself.

"Here. You should have some water." He says as he pulls out a bottle of water and holds it to my lips. I drink it gratefully and get a shock of pleasure and nausea.

" Thank you" I announce again this time coherently.

"you feel Okay?" He a asks.

"wouldn't quite say that." I answer soberly but honest.

"Reasonable." John tells me. "It's been six days" he answers the question before I can even ask it. I give a weak and tired smile.

"Your kidding" I add sadly. John just nods. I sit back some and John sits on one leg the other bent up against his cheast.

We both know where we need to go from here.

" Your gonna make me talk huh?" I say acknowledging that I've already agreed too. John nods and jumps to it.

"Start with this. Why'd you fly off after the fight in Virginia?"

I stare at the ground as I reminiest and bite my lip in a strange smile.

"I ah..." I start. "I was in bad shape. The building was down around me. I assumed you had won. And I knew you assumed I was dead. And boy did I feel it. I wanted to be." I pause John is listening intently. "I just wanted to get away. I wanted to get as far away from that place as fast as I could. I didn't want someone to find me, I didn't want anyone to say anything to me, I didn't want anyone to see me. So when I realized there were clean up crews going through it and they were getting close, I split. I shot out of there as fast as I could and went up as high as I could muster."

I break here. Watching John's expression. His arms are crossed but he seems to know what I'm getting at.

" Why didn't you go back or find someone. Say something?" John asks. I look at him in an obvious way.

"I was dead to you guys. I figured that was next. If you knew I was alive you'd do then essentially what your doing Now. I figured that by being dead you could all live your lives..and you wouldn't bother with me. If just go too to some island done here and stay out of it all. I knew you'd just lock me up. So I thought, i figured I'd just disappear."

I'm tearing up a bit. John looks at me intensely. Evaluating my answer. I look nervously at the floor. I'm exhausted. I havn't really done anything the past few days but sit chained to the wall, but inside I'm done. I'm surprised I'm still awake.

John must be tired too. Because after another moment of thought he said,

"Its late." I keep my eye contact to the floor. "I don't want to have to gag you again for the night..." John has hardly finished his sentence before I respond.

"I'll be quiet." John looks at me at my abrupt response. "I promise." I add. This time more softly.

John sits in contemplation for the longest few seconds ever.

"Please." I beg. Looking him in the eye.

"Okay" he answers nodding his head. "We can talk more tomorrow. Just try to get some sleep and not to make too much noise." He instructs as he gets up and leaves.

I can't chock up enough courage to say anything else. I'm choking up. So I squeak out,

"Okay."

At the doorway he stops to talk to someone. Six I think. But I'm already phasing in and out of myself. Trying to hold back sobs I didn't know I had. But amongst their conversation I hear

"He's going to try to keep quiet?" Six asks.

"Ya. I'm going to let him take the night. Het it out of him ya know. I didn't push him very hard for today but it's enough. I think he, I think it'll be good for him to just have a few hours." John says as they walk away.

Their going to let me take tonight to do what I need to. To get it out. To cry. John knows I have some tears in me. He wants me to let it out. I've already started before he walks away.

I feel like my empty stomach retracts. I sob as silently as possible. I force myself into the corner. My back to the wall. I try to feel warm or safe. But nothing comforts me.

I cry. I wipe the tears in my knees and shoulders, my hands still tightly chained behind my back.

I loose my breath once or twice throughout the night. But I try to smother the sounds of my cries. However surprisingly out of no where at I assume is the middle of the night six is at the door. My first fear is I'm making too much noise and she came to gag me again.

"Sorry. I'll shut up." I stammer out hoping to please her.

"Its fine." She answers softly. She then flicks a switch and some of the lights go out in the room. And she leaves again.

I try and get some rest. I try to be as comfortable as possible, but it's still difficult in my position. Even so I slept better than I and before. And it felt good to have a bit freedom. I was still tied up but the gag was out and I wasn't drugged. I just felt better. Maybe the crying helped too.


	2. Feelings

In the morning I feel better but still in some pain. I try not to focus on it.

John enters not long after I wake up. He sits down similarly to how he did last night.

"How'd you sleep?" He asks.

"I slept." I answer shrugging my shoulders. Unsure of what else to say.

The conversation starts then. It seemed to bluer by. John pushed me to talk about what I didn't want too. I'd be lying if I said I didn't tear up at some points. I tried to control myself and my anger the whole time. I think I did okay.

The last question is a heavy one though.

"Why did it all happen?" He asks in reference to the event in Florida in the swamp but it also generilazes to everything.

I tear up some and try to answer.

"I, I don't really know a good answer John. I felt weak at the idea of not being in control. It scared me. So I took control. At least I thought I was in control. But..."

"You were the one being controlled Five. You were never in control." John finishes me.

"Ya." I agree. "I'm realizing that."

I lean my head back against the wall and take a deep breath. My joints crack as I stretch them.

"Can you put my hands in front of me?" I ask full of defeat.

"What?" John answers as of he didn't hear me.

I take a breath. "Can you let my arms out from behind my back?" I ask again, you can hear desperation in my voice.

"Come on John I can't feel my hands. Please. You can chain them in front of me or whatever you want But I can't handle it anymore." I'm begging now. My dignity is long gone.

John still looks stern and ponders yhe idea carefully.

"Sorry Five. Not right now." He answers as he quickly gets up and walks away.

"Wait what? John please!" I call out again.

"Shut up unless you want to be gagged again." I shut my mouth. No reason to backtrack when I'm trying to get forward. I yank at the chains around my wrists once for good measure.

Then I need to cry again.

I cry because I'm hurting. My body is in pain and I can't take the mental stress anymore. I'm broken. They broke me. They wanted me to be broken and they got it. They wanted to tear me down, to make sure I do whatever they say. They win. I just can't live like this much longer.

All of this goes through my head. I hate myself for breaking. I hate that I'm accepting I've been broken.

I stiffle the whines and cries in my pants and let my fear flow out. I'm fucking terrified. And I can't help it. I don't know why but I am. And it's awful.

I want to beg them to let me break. I want to fall apart on the floor crying and screaming. Then again I kind of already am.

As time fades my stomach growls and I ach all over in pain. But I don't care say anything. I don't call out or yell or pull at the chains. I just sit here silently. They told me to be quiet. I want to show them I'll do what they tell me too. And I don't want to give them a reason to gag me again.

John and six enter again later on. I haven't eaten in a week, haven't washed myself or used a bathroom or anything. But I still don't say anything. Until I see what they have.

They have a gag and drugs again. That's when I speak up.

"Hey what's the deal. I've kept my mouth shut." I demand nearly getting choked up.

"There was no deal Five." John informs me. And I know he's right be I still feel likes it's unfair.

"Fine" I say shaking my head and crying. "Fine. Do whatever the fuck you want to me. Break me more them you already have. Tear me limb from linb. It doesn't matter..." I stop making sense after that. My words become incoherent and I just babble with a mix of sobs.

I feel six and John give me the shot and telling me to stop babbleling. They manage to being me down to a low whine and in the end don't gag me again. They just let me pass out in on myself for the night.

The next morning I'm awake and sitting up again. I'm embarrassed and angry about last night. I say nothing to anyone and they see nothing to me. When I'm given water j drink it and sit silently as they inject me with more drugs.

When night comes I'm gagged. No one warns me this time. A rigid rag is just tied around my mouth and I left in the dark to cry.

For three days I remain in moving. Stubborn. Unrelenting. Except in the night. I can't control what happens at night...


	3. Forced

JOHN/MARINA

He wakes up from night terrors every night. Three days in a row now. He crys until he falls asleep, his whines muffled by the rag in his mouth. He sounds even more distorted on the records from the cameras. Thanks to the night visions features we can see him clearly at anytime.

But the nightmares are inconvenient. If he wants to sit silently and act like a bull that's fine as long as he stays relatively quiet and behaved himself. But it's almost unrealistic to tell him to stop waking up in the middle of the night. Tell him to stop having nightmares..

He also hasn't eaten real food in over a week. It stinks from his sweat and piss and even his tears are starting to smell of rot.

He accepts his gag tonight. Sits stilly and allows the rag to gag him. He must be starving. It's been ten days that we've had him chained up here. I'm drove by the smell. Tomorrow I'm doing something it. I'm going to get something done.

Five:

I'm gagged once again. I'm broken and smashed. I have shit down from my back onto my legs. My clothes are sticky and stretched from sweat. I feel like I have to vomit but I can't. There is absolutely nothing There is absolutely nothing in my stomach. Nothing to puke up. Just as well anyway. With the gag if I vomit I'll probably choke to death. I'm not going to sleep tonight. I haven't slept in days. The closest I've come is passing out from exhaustion. I'm delusional at this point and I probably couldn't speak if I wanted too.

I sit in the dark once again. Tears flooding my face. I'm honestly miserable. Not only because I'm hurting and hungry but I hate myself. I hate my life and what's happening. I have so much hate and anger that it turns into pure misery. I don't know how long I'll last like this. But I have to hope that John and Marina won't actually let me die. No. If they wanted me dead I'd be dead. They want me to live. To experience this punishment and self repulsion. They want me suffer.

The sad thing is...in some ways I'm okay with that.

Thinking about THAT I feel the closet thing I can to comfort.

I can tell something is off the next day.

I'm awoken from my daze. My eyes feel glossed over. But soon I'm aware again.

"Five! Wake up!" It's John. I make eye contact to show him I'm awake. My mouth still gagged.

John

He's weak. I tell him so.

"Five your weak and probably really hungry right now, right?"

He slowly nodds his head tears forming and falling.

"Okay so we're going to get you up. Got it. Then your going to get cleaned up. You going to do what your're told. Try to fight or anything and you'll end up right back here. Got it?"

He gives a trembling nod.

I unchain the cuffs so his hands are still behind his back but released from his feet and the wall. It's a mess in this corner.

Five:

He fiddles with the chains and I soon feel my ankles released. He said something but I can't make out what he said.

He forces me to make eye contact.

"You're going to get up. And you're going to do what I say. If you fight or try anything you'll regret it! Got it?" John sternly announces. My face crumples up as I hold in pain. The gag being removed and my jaw aching.

I nod my head, whimpering as I feel my hands hauled at as the chains are moved. It stings.

"Please" I whimper as I feel John pull the chains upward with his telekinesis. "Please don't hurt me" I cry. John doesn't respond. He just grabs my arm and hauls me upward.

He doesn't speak to me as he pushes me out of the small room I've known as home for two weeks. I stare at the floor as we walk.

John

He walks willingling but won't speak or look at me. He nearly grunts in pain but tries hard to hide it so I pretend not to notice.

I lead him roughly and when we get to the bathroom I push him inward. He stumbles and falls on his knees.

Five

My knees sting as I land hard on them and hear the door slam closed behind me. I breath deeply unsure of what comes next.

After a few minuets I sum up enough to look where we are. In a bathroom. I try to look at John.

I remember how John said to do what he says. So quietly I ask.

"What do...what now?" I ask fear and whine in my voice.

"Get up he demands. I take a deep breath and struggling to my feet. My legs still feel dead after having been chained up for two weeks.

"My legs hurt." I mumble more to myself not expecting John to listen. Even so I don't know what to do when I get no response. So I try to speak again.

"John?" I ask.

"Um-hmm." I hear.

"Can I? Can I use the toilet" I take a deep breath.

I watch as he nods towards the toilet. I stare towards the floor as I contemplate my next action. My pants are soiled already and my hands still behind my back.

"Will you untie my hands?" I ask honestly.

"That depends." He announces.

I know what he's saying.

"John please trust me." I say "I need to piss and if you brought me in here it means you want to let me. Please. I promise I won't do anything unless you say and you can chain me back up after. I know there's no point in trying anything I can't get anywhere!" I'm crying and nearly hyperventilating. John just waitsJohn just waits me out.

"Five" he says annoyed.

"Sorry. I'll shut up. I promise." I mutter.

"Five. You're going to to go to the bathroom and then your going to get a shower and get cleaned up. When your done you'll turn the water off and get out slowly. You get dressed and the chains go back on. Got it?" He lectures in my ear.

Nodding I answer crying and my voice weak.

"Understood" I'm agreeing. I want to shower. I want to be let out of the chains even if only for a bit.

Slowly it seems the chains on my wrists come on and I fight the urge to swing my hands in front of me to rub them. Controlling myself I lower my hands to my sides.

Taking slow breaths I plan my next moves knowing anything sudden would alert John. I turn to face the toilet and feel my wrist slowly and tenderly rub the blood into them. I wince when I rub it to hard and then notice John standing at the closed door.

Carefully I get on the toilet and try not to make eye contact with John who is carefully watching me.

When I pull my pants down in greeted with the collection of my piss from the last two weeks.

I sit on the toilet and stare into thin air. Unsure of what to do I struggle to ask.

"Um.. what do you want me to do with ummm..." I stutter out

"Toss it in the toilet." He said with a nod

With a gulp I scoop it up and drop it in the toilet on the side when I scootch over.

I look at John nervously. He just stares back.

When I finish, now very shy, I try to wipe myself but my butt is covered in dry shit and I feel like I'm trying to wipe my skin off so I hope it isn't noticeable to John. So I flush and start to pull my pants back up but John stops me.

"Stop! Get undressed." He says

I freeze for a moment and look at the ground and then at John who stands firm for his request. So I pull the pants down and look at John again before I pull my shirt above my head.

Slowly and cautiously I drop it onto the pants. Innocently I look at John waiting instructions and then return to stare at the floor.

I feel insecure standing naked in front of John. But I know I don't have a choice. This is in a way another reminder that I'm a prisoner. I can't run or leave. I'm brought the bathroom in chains and I'll leave in them.

"Kick those over there and get in the shower then." He instruct. I do as I'm told with a gentle nod.

"How do I turn it on?" I ask stupidly. Next thing I know water is running. John using his mind to turn the shower on for me. "Thanks" I say.

I step in the shower and the pull the clear curtain over. Even so the water feels good. I struggle between enjoying myself and remembering I'm still a prisoner.

So as I wash myself and lose myself in the feeling of freedom. I tear up and love the feeling of getting to shower. I cry because it feels so good yo clean up. I feel better and make sure to get the smell off myself. Even do I don't forget John is watching.

When I'm done I turn the water off and stand stilly for a moment before pulling the curtain back.

I feel exposed and valnerable standing naked in front of john dripping wet. Not swirling his moves and holds a towel out to me. I take it and state at it. It feels dry and warm and soft.

Once I start to dry myself off and get more and more indulged. It feels so nice to feel clean and dry after weeks. My joints ache and I hurt when I breath too deeply.

Stepping out of the tub with a towel wrapped around me I'm blind to John watching me with a crossed look on his face. When I realize I look at the floor again and take a noticeable breath.

Taking a glance at John he speaks to me again.

"Get dressed." He motions towards a pile of clothes sitting on the toilet seat. Scared still I look back and forth from John to the clothes.

I pull the gray blue t-shirt over my head and fix it on my body. Next I look what appear to be underwear then realize that they're some sort of diaper. They want me to wear I diaper.

I close my eyes to take a minute of composure. I pick them up and hold them in a fist. John seeing my hesatance speaks.

"Get dressed" he demands. I close my eyes again trying to find courage to say something.

"Please don't make me. I will if you really mean it but if honestly rather piss my pants" I say in a hushed stressed voice and wait for John response.

"Get dressed Five." John sneers through his teeth, frustration coming through him. I get the message. So I get dressed, first the adult sized diaper, then jogging pants and socks.

When I'm dressed I stand frozen for a second and wait for my next instructions. Some part of me knows I'm not allowed to do anything else then what I'm told. Maybe it's my brain working for the first time. I laugh at myself inside my head.

"You going to put the chains back on me now?" I ask terrified.

No John said. You are.


	4. Fear

John

He looks at me weak and scared.

"What?" He questions jumping out of his slow and careful phase. Now he's facing me his hands balled into fist fear forming and his heart and breath quickening as he comprehends what I said.

He can't respond but his lower lip nearly trembled. We both know what I'm asking of him. But I'm not asking. I'm demanding

It's a form of display of compliance. It's pushing him to see how far he's willing to go and how much he'll take. It's forcing him to act on his words of surrender. This makes him imprison himself. Hurt himself.

Five

I know what he wants and why. He wants me to put the chains on myself. He wants me feel the pain of being the reason I'm locked up. To take my own freedom away. Which is what I've already done.

I don't want to. But I'm between doing it, begging to get out of it, or getting out of here. The first is my only real option. So I bite my lip and breathe deeply.

I nod slightly to my myself trying to encourage myself. John waits expectantly.

I clip one hand first and find the other end. Before I can question John reassures.

"Behind you back." He said almost calm and gentle. He knows he's pushing me. Hurting me in a way that can't be explained.

I don't respond I just maneuver the chains to hook my other hand behind my back. They clatter and ring as the metal hits each other. I try to remain composed.

John sees through my act of strength. But all he saids is.

"Good" with a nod. Satisfied but still I feel as he uses telekenis to tighten the chains further. I stare at the floor to hide my straining eye and tears.

I sense the tension in the air relax for a mineut. John giving me time to finish composing myself.

Then he taps and grabs my arm "let's go" he announces. Pulling me along by my arm. I don't fight him and come willingly not taking my eye off the floor.

We return to where I've been the last two weeks but I'm presently surprised when I realize it's been cleaned up and no longer stinks of my sweat and shut. I kneel for John facing he wall so he can rechain my ankles.

When he stands up I reposition my self so I'm sitting with my knees up in front of me. I've found it's how I'm most comfortable.

John watches me as I shift in my corner.

"Good?" He asks I just nod continuing to avoid eye contact.

He's nearly out the door before I find the words I was looking for.

"John." I call out and he sneaks a look back at me. "Thank you" I finish. Acknowledging that it has just been a allowed to shower and clean up. I thank him for the change of clothes and clean corner to rot in. He just nods and walks away.

I sit again for awhile. I consider the benefits to the diaper I'm forced to wear. At least if I piss it won't leak through my pants and my the floor sticky and smell. Same if I take a shit. Basically I didn't think about the fact that at least I won't be lying in my own waste.

Suddenly a man enters. He's older and wearing army certifications on his suit. Neither John or Marina follow him and I've never seen him before.

"Who are you?" I ask loudly even more so than I intended. He puts his finger up to me.

"You will speak when I ask you too and only then." He orders I start to say something again but think better of arguing and just nod.

"Okay very good. I would just like to inform you none of the others of your kind are within hearing distance nor are they able to communicate with you telepathically." He begins his lectures but this strikes me as odd and I don't know what he means.

"Before you get too excited know they are not in danger but are standing back for a moment due to my request. I asked this so we could have an honest conversation. Understand?" He's practiced this. I just nod bored of his speech.

"So first I'm going to ask you some questions and I want you to answer honestly. Lie or refuse to answer and you will be punished. Is that understood. "

I go along with this cerade. I nod again still not sure if I'm suppost to speak.

"Very Good" the old guy claps his hands with a grin on his face. "The first few are very simple" he says as he moves a chair and sits in front of me. "Just yes or no answers"

"Do you know where we Are?" He asks

"You mean what country or where within the country?" I snap back.

"Both" old guy says with a role of his eyes.

"No" I answer honestly.

The questions continue.

"Have you been allowed to shower today?"

"Yes"

"Is today the only day since your time here you've been allowed to do that?"

"Yes" I answer plainly

"Okay. Feel free to answer in more than one word. It might be required for the next questions" I hate that he says that as if without permission I wouldn't

"Have you been restrained in this manner for the majority of your stay?" He says your stay. Like I have a choice

"Yes" I answer

"And can you explain how you are restriained?" He asks ridiculously

"I'm chain to the floor" I answer gritting my teeth in annoyance.

The old guy rambles and writes in a notepad. I mostly ignor him. Except I'm hungry and thirsty and bored.

After a few minuets he continues.

"Have you been given anything to eat?"

"No" I answer sadness nearly coming through in my voice

"So you must be very hungry. Uncomfortable. Angry, in pain, amongst other things?" He asks suspisouly

I sit up straighter in response unsure of what to say. Before the silence spreads he speaks again.

"Son how aware are you of the security features of this building? I mean about the layout of the building camera locations security guards ect...?"

"No" I answer.

"So you realize that if you were to not be in chains you still would not be able to get any farther than we permitted you?"

"Yes" I answer somlumly. Fully aware I'm stuck here. I'm a prisoner. I couldn't escape if I tried. If I wanted too. In a wierd way I almost don't...

"So your stuck here chained down like an animal without food or freedom. Wouldn't you much prefer a warm bed and food whenever you'd like?" He probes

I stare at him angry at his tone

He gets up and gets eye to eye with me.

"Isn't there anything you want? Because with me I could get you whatever you want!"

"I don't want anything from you" I snarl not trusting where this is going.

"Oh sure you do. Surly you want to get out of here. Start fighting again. Get back in the game!" He's praising the words like he's trying to encourage a football team.

He's still in my face. I'm getting upset and angry. I want to spit in his face and yell.

"Get out of my face." I warn him. That's when it gets worse. He takes a knife out and holds it to my throat.

"Shut up you alien. You need me. You need me to trust me. I could get you out here. Out there fighting. Your freedom!"

"I don't need to trust anything you say. I don't need to trust you. I don't. " I'm starting to raise my voice and I feel the knifes blade on my skin like a threatening bite

He's angry and yelling. I'm mad too. Except I'm chained down. I am chained down like an animal like he said. Or else I would tear him apart. I know I'm suppose to control my anger. But I want to make an exception

"Shut up you bastard. Get me out of these chains and I'll tear you apart with or without my legacies!" That's when I go out. I feel pain in my face and arms. I feel the cool sensation of blood. "Get away from me!" I try to scream but I'm stiffened by pain

Before he leaves he leans in my ear and whispers "Your not really tough at all are you? What a joke!" He laughs as he walks away and I pass out.


	5. Finding

John

He's unconscious and blood is everywhere. I'm trying to fix him up when he comes too. He screams get away from me and I have to shake him out of it.

After that he sits quietly and I clean up the blood. He seems shaken and scared. The general didn't know we were recording and watched live what was happening. Good thing because Five almost bleed to death thanks to how much he ran his knife around him.

Five.

It hurts like hell. Like I could pass out again but I'm also in pain more now than I was before. John healed my cuts and washed the blood from the floor and I'm cleaned up. But it all still hurts. I'm thinking about it when John comes again

He's in the door with a water bottle and he comes in and let's me drink. He sits across from me on the floor and look at him quickly.

"Thanks" I admit. Knowing I almost died. John nods.

"Ya well. Should of watched your mouth Five. Really." I look at him wondering how much he knows. Then I look down ashamed of whatever happened. I almost don't remember.

"Are you Okay?" He asks "We saw it all." He adds.

I start to nod my head heavily but it starts to shake no. I say no and I tremble and cry.

I fall apart again. Except this time I'm not angry. I'm sad. I hurt and I want to cry and I feel awful and sick and I don't know what to do about it.

John tries to comfort me by pating my back. In between my sobs I here him say things like "Get it Out" and "believe it or not your safe right now" He's trying to be comforting and honestly it is. It's more then I deserve.

I know I shouldn't be comforted by him. He's one the people who's chained me up like this. Starved me for weeks. Has let me rot like this. But at the same time it's nice to have someone make me feel better. Even though that's not what chaining me up portrays.

After I've calmed down enough John tries talking to me again. I honestly feel like giving up and I don't want to answer to him right now. It was hard enough answering to army dude. When I talk to them I have to work at watching myself. Listen and not get angry or say or do the wrong thing. I have control myself and do exactly what I'm told or else I get hurt. But it's hard and tireing and I'm hurting right now. Even if Johns trying to comfort me, he's still keeping me here. He too is a source of my pain.

"Five I need you to talk to me about something?" He whispers so I have to listen closely. "Why did you say no so quickly that you weren't going to trust the general?"

I look at him my face redend and wet from tears. I wipe my cheeks on my knees in front of me.

I look at John and take a breath. "I'm in this mess because I blindly trusted Setrakus Ra. I don't trust people that easily anymore. I didn't want to trust him." I say evenly and cold. Aware of how I sound. Dead inside and serious. But I don't care. I mean it.

"Okay" John questions. "Then why do you trust me." I struggle shocked at his question but then look at him to answer.

"Because I need to trust someone and I can't trust myself much anymore." I answer honestly and plainly. John watches me intently for a moment and I put my head back in my knees.

"John please." I say with tears going down my face. "Please let me go to sleep. I'll tell you whatever you want tomorrow but I can't do it anymore tonight. Please" I beg

John just looks at me honestly and nods and turns the lights off on his way out. Quickly I fall asleep.

I'm awoken my John in the morning.

Five are you hungry

What I ask not sure I heard him correctly. Still dizzy from sleep and the night before.

Do you want to eat something John asks generically. I take a second to process and consider what he's saying. Decide if I did what to eat. And what if have to do. But ultimately I realize I'm just really hungry.

"Yes" I answer "Please?" I ask hoping this isn't some cruel test.

John looks at me intently for a moment and eventually I realize why. He's in my head seeing what I'm thinking.

"Okay Five. I want to get you something to eat Okay? But you got to listen to what I say got it?" I nod agreeing. "And I'm going to put your hands in front of you so you can eat but they.."

"They go back behind me afterward" I finish for him.

"Yes" he confirms.

Looking at floor in front of me I nod my head in agreement aware of the rules. I'm so hungry I don't mind following them. But I am disappointed to think about my hands being chained behind me again right afterwards.

John returns with a plate of food and the smell has me mesmerized. He gets me to lean forward so he can release my hands. He does so and let's the chains fall and sit behind me. He then gives me a plastic plate and spoon. On the plate is toast and scrambled eggs. I eat effiently. Not to fast to end this time of freedom and food but fast enough John doesn't get annoyed.

I probably look gluttonous. Shoving food in my mouth. But for two weeks all I've been allowed is water.

I finish the eggs first and then pick up the toast and tear it into pieces as I eat. I don't make eye contact with John sensing a tension in the air. The fact that when my bread is gone so will my hands. They'll be chained up again behind my back.

Even so I finish toast and me and John sit in silence for a minute. John's the first to speak.

"Done?" He asks even though all the food is gone.

"Gotta chain me back up now?" I ask calmly. He nods his head and starts to get up. I lean forward at his request and wait as my freedom is taken away.

When he's done he takes the dishes and leaves again. At least this time my stomach doesn't hurt so much. I'm still hungry but I feel better.

I'm given breakfast again the next day too. John comes in and asks if I want breakfast again to which I quickly nod. The rules being unspoken between us.

John brings me something covered in maple suryup. Using a fork I tear apart the pancakes and eat gladly but am careful not to seem to happy to John.

The next morning I almost expect breakfast again and then hit myself when it doesn't happen. It's stupid to expect anything.

But in the evening Marina shows up.

Silently she sits down in front of me a plate by her side. I'm almost scared to look her in the eye and when I do it's brief and quick glances.

"Hello Five."


	6. Freedom

"Hello five" she says peacefully

"Hi" I response shamefully and feeling guilty look down at the floor.

"How are you" she asks simply like it's not in unusual circumstances. I smirk for half a second then answer.

"I'm okay." I tell her with a straight face. Being honest. I really feel just okay.

"Okay" she replies. She can't actually care can she? "I hear you've been allowed to eat" she says like it's a surprise to her. Maybe it is.

I politely nod my head and make eye contact.

"Ya I do but I've got to follow the rules." I inform her again as if she didn't already know.

"I know that much. So as long as you know them, do you want to eat supper?" She asks implying I need to agree to the rules again if I want to eat. I give a faint fast nod.

Marina instructs me as she manuvers to undo my chains. Except she doesn't leave them free as John did but reattached the chains so their in front of me instead. I don't bother mentioning it.

She gives me a hot dog with mustard and ketchup. I sit and eat quietly enjoying every bite.

When I'm done I postpone her putting my hands back behind me by looking at my chained wrists.

They're bruses and blue and ache as I move them and try to use mg hands while their in the chains. Marina interiors and gives me a fright.

"Pull on them" she instructs me curiosity in her face.

"What" I question and she repeats.

"Pull on them. Try to get out." I look from her to my hands and back at her. I'm waiting for her to explain.

She takes a breath. "Go ahead do it. I won't get mad I want to see if you can do it." She explains and after realizing she really wasn't kidding, I give my hand and feet I good tug each.

She watches intently as I pull a few times here and there on the chains. I guess she wants to make sure I can't get out of them. But I know the answer. I can't.

"Okay that's enough" she announces when she's seen enough and wants to tell me to stop. I listen immediately.

Raising my hands a little I clarify "I can't get Out" she nods in agreement.

"I knew that" she said a as she takes the plate and walks away.

I sit confused as to why she didn't put my hands back behind me. I wait for her to return a minute later

Is that more comfortable she asks nodding towards my hands. I stare and shake my hands a little. A lump for me in my throat so I just nods while staring at them.

"Fine" Marina announces. "Tonight's a trial stage" she says and walks away before I can question.

She walks away and this time my hands are left in front of me and I feel the cuts being pulled tighter as Marina walks away

After the lights flick off and I have a minute to realize what just happened I tremble a little. Marina just left my hands in front of me

Surprisingly I sleep a little better. With my head resting on my knees with my forearms as a cushion.

When I wake up the light is on. I go to wipe my face in my shoulder as I've done while my hands were behind me. Then I realize I have my hands available so I rub my face. It's sticky from tears. I cried myself to sleep again last night.

Looking around to see if John or marina are going to come charging in, I take a breath when I realize I have a minute. Carefully I look at my hands. I try to rotate the cuffs around my wrists and stretching my hands, looking for a weak point or the sound of metal wearing out. They don't move and my hands are turning blue.


End file.
